This mess of mine

Anyone besides me get anxiety when someone comes over? Especially unannounced? They come in. I see my mess. They see my mess. I have a mini panic attack and try to smile and act like I’m not totally mortified they caught my house (or me…) looking like this. I also feel like when someone asks if I need help when they’re over I have to say no, because it’s my mess and I’m embarrassed of my mess. I mean, even after I had my csection and my mom would come to help me I felt so guilty and ashamed at the mess she was helping me with. I felt so bad about the laundry she helped me wash. So the majority of the time when people ask me if I need help, I’ll say no. Not because I don’t need it, but I’m afraid to let people see my mess.

And isn’t that how we are as humans? Someone asks if we are ok and we shut down that metal shop door as quickly as possible over our hearts and we say, “I’m good!” We pull out the mask and pretend we are fine. No mess here. You can move along now and help someone in real need, don’t waste your time on me. Insert eye roll. How often is this me. How often is this us. We hide. We hide in our mess afraid someone will see us and find out. Because if someone else sees it, it’s real. If someone else sees it really is a mess, but if I hide it, it isn’t really there. If I keep hiding it I don’t have to deal with it.

Because if someone else sees it it’s real.

But the day will come when that mask slips and someone gets a glimpse of you. The real you. The hurting you, the overwhelmed you, the depressed you, the angry you, the messed up and down right broken you…don’t run and hide. Don’t fix the mask. Rip it off. It will hurt. Letting someone else into our mess. It’s scary. What if they judge me? What will they think of me? My life should be together at this point and it’s only falling apart. I’m too much right now. I’m not enough right now. What will they do when they see me for Me? If it’s the right person they will love you. They will help you or lead you to someone else who can.  Maybe the most courageous thing you can do it find someone to confide in and invite them in to your mess. The very best thing is to invite Jesus into your mess. We don’t have to fix ourselves and tidy up our hearts, our thoughts, our lives before he can come in. Invite him into your mess. Let HIM sort it out. Piece by piece.

When you have a messy house you can’t conquer everything in one fell swoop. When you have a task at hand that is overwhelming you just start somewhere. You pick a room. An area. And just DO something. When you feel you can’t do anything, the best thing to do it to just do the next best thing. 

The next best thing. One thing. One step. Maybe that’s inviting a friend into your mess…maybe it’s inviting Jesus into your mess. Maybe it literally attacking that messy house that is causing you to feel overwhelmed and anxious. Maybe it’s starting a project you’ve been holding off on (like how I did with this blog…) because it just felt too big. Figure out the next best thing and do it.

The only way out of your mess is through it.

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